Struggling.

It's been 17 days since I've "talked" to him. It feels more like a year. Of course, that was always true - even when only hours had passed. I'm still a mess. I still miss him TERRIBLY. Even though he hurt me. Bad. It's been super hard to not contact him today. He sent the last message. It's not enough. There was no apology, no real emotion. It was in the form of an email. His words were meant to be nice, but they just stung instead. I've begged him for something more. Something real. Any little morsel of hope. He can't give it. Because he's incapable of moving outside that bubble he's built up? Or just incapable of giving it to ME?? Still so many questions. But the answers just aren't gonna come, are they?

Running....but can't escape this predator. It won't tire. Won't quit. It gets far too close. Breathes down my neck. I shiver. I cry. I pray for a place to hide from it. Suddenly, it backs down enough for me to exhale. Inhale. Sleep.

Then it begins again....

I scream. I curse. I threaten. It's not phased. Still right on my heels. I stumble. It pounces. Gets under my skin. Seeps into my system and takes over my entire being. I have no choice but to let it. Stop fighting. Give in. Ride out the storm.

I am weak. You win another round. When will this end?